Inspiring Serenity in the Midst of Modern Life
I’d be hard-pressed to say which is my favorite season. I love them all! But today it is spring and so today that is my favorite season. And I think I have finally captured spring.
Although I love all of the flowering trees, the cherry blossoms particularly, my favorite are the pink dogwood. But the fresh new green of budding trees against a deep blue sky is something that speaks serenity to my soul.
What speaks serenity to your soul?
Dark storm clouds gathered in the west as we went for a drive to enjoy the spring flowering trees and bushes. It’s been two weeks since my elbow surgery and I’m in considerable pain every day. The doctor warned me ahead of time that there would be pain for a few months after the surgery. But I didn’t really hear that part; I was just desperate for a resolution to the pain from the torn tendon and inflamed nerve.
So I’ve been recuperating at home for two weeks with Advil, Tylenol, ice and stronger pain meds at night to help me sleep. I usually consider myself to have a high tolerance for pain and in fact this injury has had me in pain on and off for two years (I tried cortisone shots and therapy a few times). But finally it got so bad that I could not sleep and it was pain 24 hours a day. So the doctor cleaned up the tendon – it was too damaged to reattach – and moved the nerve so that it would not constantly be aggravated. I’m typing and writing a bit finally, but not doing much – tomorrow I go back to work. I’m not feeling ready for work, but hoping it will be a distraction from the pain. I had thought that I could use this time at home to get caught up on school. But the thing about pain is that it saps your energy. I’m normally a pretty energetic person; hence the full time job/full time student thing. I get up early, study a bit, exercise, and work, come home and study some more. Well, I’m lucky if I can concentrate long enough to read a chapter or an article these days.
I’m thankful that there is a future ahead where my elbow will be fully healed and I’ll be pain-free. Meanwhile, I must just accept this stage, trying to live with serenity and grace. Conserving my energy and not fretting about all the things that are not getting done. Such are the storms of life. We weather them as best we can, always hopeful for another day, a sunny day. Early spring is like that, 8o degrees one day, 40 degrees two days later, stormy and windy one day, sunny and balmy the next.
I’m holding on to my serenity.
Had a lovely walk on the beach this week with our 21, almost 22, year old daughter. We had to step carefully to avoid the man-o-war jellyfish that had blown up onto the sand in the stiff offshore breeze. Gen was lamenting the poor creatures demise and particularly the bitty ones that she called ‘boys of war’ who did not even get to survive to adulthood. They were about an inch in diameter and seemed so fragile, yet are so dangerous. Her phrase and her empathy made me smile. Life is precious – even a jellyfish! This child of mine is passionate about life, about sustainability, about reducing homelessness, about many subjects. What a joy to share this time by the ocean. Another day at the beach we giggled uncontrollably as the wind pelted us with tiny stinging grains of sand. At the pool, we lay in the sun and had a long heart-to-heart. Connecting with this beautiful young woman who lives so far from us is a rare treat and I cherished our short time together. Finding serenity together as we laughed, celebrated, reminisced and enjoyed time outdoors.
#optoutside #evenwithboysofwar
Being able to find your way to the bathroom in the middle of the night in the dark with your eyes closed in a house that is not your own! Visiting my mom and dad this week and as I crawled back into bed I reflected that they may soon move to a retirement home and this may be my last visit to this familiar, comfortable house. Although it is not the home I grew up in, it is one that I have grown to love and will miss. I’m so thankful to have known this house and this place and enjoyed annual vacations here in sunny Florida. Change is coming. Seasons change and my parents are aging. Their new place will be smaller and won’t have room for the whole family to visit.
As I contemplate this new future, I try not to worry about my parents. Dad is sometimes confused and mom can be forgetful; so having them live many miles away is not easy. I want to be able to help with the little things like figuring out the TV remote or solving computer issues. These are not things that I can fix long distance. And I want to be able to help with bigger things like health care and finances. It’s on my mind almost every day; I know that they won’t be with us forever and I want to be able to spend more time with them in their waning years. I’m torn between my life, my church family, my husband’s family, my job, my friends, and this desire to be available to my parents. Trying to choose serenity and find ways to be present in their lives more often.
Sunday mornings post waffles, bacon, and hot tea – having theological conversations with my hubby and taking notes for my paper. C.S. Lewis features in the discussion and the fire warms my body and soul.
Overwhelm.
We’ve all felt it. Feeling stressed and not a clue where to start. Struggling to hold on to my joy and peace. Reminding myself to breathe, literally and metaphorically. Remembering the importance of down time. Letting the mind rest. Sometimes being productive means you need to intentionally spend time not being productive. Turn your brain off and let your mind wander. Give yourself permission to just be. Even when you are in grad school, and working full time, and it’s tax season, and your to-do list is a mile long. And sometimes you need to clean your desk, despite the to-do list, because a decluttered desk leads to a de-cluttered mind, which increases productivity.
So my serenity was not really stolen – it is my choice whether to hold on to it. No one can take it away from me. I had let it slip away. Cleaning my desk helped. A few evenings and lunch hours of ‘wasted time’ were the cure. I gave myself permission to accomplish nothing of an evening and it gave me the margin I needed. Rest is key to maintaining serenity.
Tonight I am meditating on:
and the connection to:
Are the short walks that I take a mini form of Sabbath? Taking photographs, noticing the beauty of creation is similar for me. Reading is at times also restful for me. I was studying a bit more about StrengthsFinder tonight and noticed the connections between introspection and Intellection. Reading is, at times, also restful for me.
I paused to read Michael Hyatt’s post:
and was struck by the similarity of our thoughts.
Are there practices that rejuvenate your spirit in a similar way?
When I was a pre-teen and teenager we lived near Long Island Sound. In the summer, my dad would go out fishing just about every morning. We had a little run-about that was old but steady. I would often go with my dad. We would wake up at 5:00 a.m. and creep out of the house so as not to wake others and grab a quick bite before heading to the dock.
I went along primarily to see the sunrise.
It was so peaceful out on the water. My dad is a quiet man, so few words would be exchanged. From time to time I was allowed to drive the boat. We would cast in one spot, and then, if nothing was biting, we’d motor over to a different spot. Fishing involves intuition. You just KNOW where the fish might be hanging out. We’d be back home before seven, in time for dad to catch the train to NYC for another day of work.
Snowpocalypse 2016 is in progress as I write. We’ve enjoyed a snow day here in Pennsylvania. So far we have over 23” of snow in less than 24 hours. It’s beautiful to look at. This quiet Saturday has been spent reading, cooking, eating, and cross country skiing. I love when I am home on a weekend with no particular agenda. My favorite thing is to sit on the couch in my living room. The sofas are old, but their blue, green, and white large floral pattern makes me happy, as does the design and architecture of this home. From the couch, I can see the snow falling outside the four sliding glass doors and piling up on the back deck. This quiet house in the woods is my respite. I am so blessed to enjoy this beautiful home.
